Actually this is a amused and well-fed me on Sunday morning in Michigan, as the two inches of ice that had encased our car slowly melted outside and as Jesse reheated biriyani that made our jackets and any other unwashed or unwashable garments (shoes! purses! arrgh!) stink to high masala hell.
I didn't have a photograph of our initial reactions after orientation, so I'm sliding that in as a sub. It's election time, who needs truth and ethics?
Anyway, let me tell you about this place.
After joining the midwives' and Dr Guy's practice at MVH, they handed me a pile of brochures about the hospital, baby making and baby health, and Family Beginnings. Lots of googling "Birthing Center" and "Dayton" had already led me to know of it's existence. After my first prenatal appointment, I was encouraged to give them a call... which I subsequently forgot about until my second appointment. With this cozily situated somewhere on my list of things to do (sort of like "hire a DJ" on my wedding to-do list... and see how far that got me!) but not actually anywhere in my brain, life carried on.
Only later did I notice in a magazine the statistic: more babies are born in the month of July in the US than any other time of year. Suddenly, visions of well prepared mothers laboring in my bathtub, with my birthing ball, eating my snacks, surrounded by family, all cozy in the caring confines of Family Beginnings filled my head; the obvious alternative was that me and other mothers who put it off would be screaming and squatting in a ditches along the lousiest stretches of road in Dayton... mine would be Smithville Road, while we're identifying worst case scenarios, probably while their husbands played golf in shirts that still smelled like biriyani masala... but I digress. This slightly exaggerated thought made me call and take the first possible orientation appointment available, February 19th. The woman manning the phones there is a sweet and patient thing with an accent of sub-Saharian African origin, and let me tell you - this babe will talk at her own pace no matter what.
Me: (after a long list of yes/no questions to determine that my pregnancy is low risk)
So what do I have to do? Are tours available?
Lady: J'you will haveah do come for an ohreehentashion....
Me: (Sort of interrupting) Okay...
Lady: ...anduh we havah ohreehentashion hin hevenings, six surty un-teel seven surty...
Me: (obviously eager to sign up) Okay...
Lady: ... abailable openings are fo Feb-a-uary h'nineteensh, Feb-auary twentayseex, Mawrch farth...
Me: I'll take the first one, Feb 19th?!?
Lady: ...Mawrch aighteenth, Mawrch twentayfeefth, Apebril first, Apebril aighth, Apebril fivteenth, Apebril twentayninah, May seex...
Me: Can I take the first one, please?
Lady: ... anduh May dirtheenth. (pauuuuse.) Whichuh one j'you wooood likeuh?
Needless to say, two nights back we were there, albeit late, to hear a kind nurse (who looked like a chubby Carrie Heffernan/Leah Remini) patiently read the entire low down to a room full of Saby, myself, and probably 3 or 4 other nice responsible looking couples and a few ladies (also nice looking) on their own. The approach brought us through the regular Maternity rooms, which appear to be very nice, but once you step through the double doors that separate Family Beginnings from the rest of the ward, it's like stepping into a Country Inn and Suites. There is a common kitchen and family room area, stocked with rockers, recliners, couches and the all important TV. I almost expected a self-serve waffle station. Then down a little corridor filled with photos of previous happy families born there, are three birthing suites. They have the typical hospital, red plastic room numbers on the outside, but once you're inside it's like a little bed and breakfast.
We were impressed to hear they do NOT have hospital beds - each of the three rooms is equipped with a queen bed, in which both you and your husband can sleep after the birth, a crib for baby, a changing table, cd player and a flat screen tv with DVD player, and a blanket warmer. The bathroom, which is about as big as our bedroom at home, is stocked with the most fabulous TUB ever:
Oooooh, TUB. What a beautiful sight. Us Schaefer girls are bath-takers, much to the disdain of my dear husband, who is too big to fit into a tub and therefore does not understand the joy of soaking oneself up to your chin in hot water. This tub is big enough for me, dear husband, a medium-sized farm animal, and whichever midwife is on duty that night. Not that I'm going to have a goat with me come July, or even invite anyone else in, but I can't imagine that the big beautiful bathtub in my Family Beginnings suite will remain unused once it comes time for Mrs. Lina George to give birth.
Other things Mrs. George loved about Family Beginnings:
FOOD!
Short of actually having that waffle station I mentioned, they, unlike most hospitals today, allow mothers in labor to eat. Not just eat, but eat whatever they want. I'm sure if I were in the tub, dilated 4 centimeters, and asking for a plate of baby back ribs they might protest, but for all intents and purposes it is allowed. Which was one of my biggest issues with a regular hospital birth. Let's see... for 14+ hours I'm going to be extremely uncomfortable, pushing my guts out, and then not be allowed to eat? And all this while not only in labor, but still harboring another living being withing the confines of your physiology. Not eat!?!? I couldn't hack more than three hours of just sitting still without at least a snack. Screw that, maaan!
DVD player and flat screen tv in every room.
Hello, dvds of Sunrise Planet/Sunrise Earth from the Discovery Channel. (hint - this is something that doesn't come on the registry list at Babies R Us, but still something I would love and appreciate as a gift.) Hello, happy hubby watching his reruns of King of Queens after he can no longer handle any more of seeing my distended belly underwater in the tub.
Nurses with a sense of humor.
After reading about the tub from the list of regulations, the nurse who looked like Carrie Heffernan noted that husbands are welcome in the tub, but must bring their own bathing suit. Yikes!
Needless to say, I am actually excited, as it's beyond exactly what I wanted. We're the first ones on the list for the childbirth classes offered at Family Beginnings come June. The environment and attitude there are both phenomenal and it sort of rubs off on you. Definitely good vibes! And I don't think they'll laugh at my birthing chair :-)
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