Who is the girl in the photo?
You'll never find out... I ate her.
You'll never find out... I ate her.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Genius Alert, Part 2
Kid might be a genius, but I'm an negligent asshole.
Guess who probably has a 2nd degree burn on her palm and 4 fingertips? Here's a clue: her hand is really little.
Kid: Genius. Mom: Dipshit.
***********UPDATE****************
12 noon
While making breakfast (yes at noon... there are multiple examples of my negligence) child burns hand on glass radiant range top while my back is turned. Assumption is that she flat-handed it, but exact cause forever unknown due to turned back and CSI Dayton not returning my calls.
12:15pm
Child takes Tylenol after sitting with hand under cold running water for 14 minutes (this timeline allows 1 minute for frantic panic of mother)
12:30pm
Pediatric staff is on lunch break from noon to one, crap.
1:02pm
I call Pediatrician's other number and am tersely told that it is not an emergency. I didn't think so either, but jeeze... when do your coworkers get back from lunch?
1:08pm
Debbie the nurse instantly answers and suggests the tiny crispy hand come in to be seen by a doctor, due to her age and my apparent inability to describe the injury. Probably also to have me evaluated for child abuse.
1:20pm
I realize, despite the drama du jour, that I must must MUST get finished with the day's necessary task, which is organizing and pricing items I'm contributing to a huge mom's sale on Saturday. The seller requirements are strict and the waiting list long, and I don't want to lose my chance at an 80/20 cut on getting rid of some unnecessary E-unit accessories! Safety pins. MUST HAVE SAFETY PINS. Rather than make Daddy come home from work...
1:25pm
Call Darion, babysitter extraordinaire. Who is also now Dental Office administrative assistant extraordinaire and has a mere 30 minutes worth of lunch break left... she generously and sweetly donates those 30 minutes to me as I run to Meijer for gauze, burn spray, and SAFETY PINS.
1:55pm
Return. Darion runs back to her real job. Elena cries for Muppets.
2:30pm
Halfway into The Great Muppet Caper, the burn victim falls asleep. I frantically tag items, get dressing down from Dada via chat, and drink coffee.
4:00pm
Intend to leave for doctor at 4:15, but find more things to sell and leave at 4:28 instead. Have to wake Lil' Well Done up and she appears to be feeling remarkably spiffy.
4:40pm
Arrive for 4:30 appointment, much to the chagrin of pediatrician office lady. While we wait, E runs in circles barefoot (negligence!!) yelling the lyrics to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in a way that seems entirely uncharacteristic of someone who doesn't feel well. Optimism all around.
4:55pm Doc comes in wearing a U of M sweater vest. Instead of reminding him it was August and 89 degrees outside, I compliment him and mentioned our Michigan roots. We discuss the University of Michigan versus Eastern Michigan University, then both if those versus "THE" Ohio State University. He checks E's hand, and says "Good! Uh... not that she burned her hand. That's not good. But it's better than it could be!"
So what I just spent 20 minutes typing could really be described as such: the burn was a bad first degree, with only one spot - fingertip of pinky - that is going to blister and be at risk for infection. It hasn't bothered her all day today, and we all learned a good lesson: keep the two-year old away from the stove!
p.s. And I then drove to Fairborn and turned in 65 items to the TCMC Sale for Saturday, not only on time, but EARLY. And then made what my husband described as the best egg curry he's ever had. All in all, not a terrible day.
Guess who's added something new to her conversation repertoire? In addition to her friendly hellos, handshakes and "howa-you?", Elena now will show off her burn and revel in the pity.
Guess who probably has a 2nd degree burn on her palm and 4 fingertips? Here's a clue: her hand is really little.
Kid: Genius. Mom: Dipshit.
***********UPDATE****************
12 noon
While making breakfast (yes at noon... there are multiple examples of my negligence) child burns hand on glass radiant range top while my back is turned. Assumption is that she flat-handed it, but exact cause forever unknown due to turned back and CSI Dayton not returning my calls.
12:15pm
Child takes Tylenol after sitting with hand under cold running water for 14 minutes (this timeline allows 1 minute for frantic panic of mother)
12:30pm
Pediatric staff is on lunch break from noon to one, crap.
1:02pm
I call Pediatrician's other number and am tersely told that it is not an emergency. I didn't think so either, but jeeze... when do your coworkers get back from lunch?
1:08pm
Debbie the nurse instantly answers and suggests the tiny crispy hand come in to be seen by a doctor, due to her age and my apparent inability to describe the injury. Probably also to have me evaluated for child abuse.
1:20pm
I realize, despite the drama du jour, that I must must MUST get finished with the day's necessary task, which is organizing and pricing items I'm contributing to a huge mom's sale on Saturday. The seller requirements are strict and the waiting list long, and I don't want to lose my chance at an 80/20 cut on getting rid of some unnecessary E-unit accessories! Safety pins. MUST HAVE SAFETY PINS. Rather than make Daddy come home from work...
1:25pm
Call Darion, babysitter extraordinaire. Who is also now Dental Office administrative assistant extraordinaire and has a mere 30 minutes worth of lunch break left... she generously and sweetly donates those 30 minutes to me as I run to Meijer for gauze, burn spray, and SAFETY PINS.
1:55pm
Return. Darion runs back to her real job. Elena cries for Muppets.
2:30pm
Halfway into The Great Muppet Caper, the burn victim falls asleep. I frantically tag items, get dressing down from Dada via chat, and drink coffee.
4:00pm
Intend to leave for doctor at 4:15, but find more things to sell and leave at 4:28 instead. Have to wake Lil' Well Done up and she appears to be feeling remarkably spiffy.
4:40pm
Arrive for 4:30 appointment, much to the chagrin of pediatrician office lady. While we wait, E runs in circles barefoot (negligence!!) yelling the lyrics to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in a way that seems entirely uncharacteristic of someone who doesn't feel well. Optimism all around.
4:55pm Doc comes in wearing a U of M sweater vest. Instead of reminding him it was August and 89 degrees outside, I compliment him and mentioned our Michigan roots. We discuss the University of Michigan versus Eastern Michigan University, then both if those versus "THE" Ohio State University. He checks E's hand, and says "Good! Uh... not that she burned her hand. That's not good. But it's better than it could be!"
So what I just spent 20 minutes typing could really be described as such: the burn was a bad first degree, with only one spot - fingertip of pinky - that is going to blister and be at risk for infection. It hasn't bothered her all day today, and we all learned a good lesson: keep the two-year old away from the stove!
p.s. And I then drove to Fairborn and turned in 65 items to the TCMC Sale for Saturday, not only on time, but EARLY. And then made what my husband described as the best egg curry he's ever had. All in all, not a terrible day.
** UPDATE!! **
I guess you could say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And also teaches your child how to "milk it." 
Guess who's added something new to her conversation repertoire? In addition to her friendly hellos, handshakes and "howa-you?", Elena now will show off her burn and revel in the pity.
Haaaaand? Owwie? Hot! Pssss! [her own special "sizzle" sound effect] Hand. [somber pause for effect. Knowing nod.] OWWIE.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Genius Alert
Everybody's kids are geniuses, right?
Well mine too, mine too!
Back [what feels like 9 million years ago] at the old apartment, whenever it would rain we would pull up the blinds and stand in the window, enjoying the downpour. In my ever-present desire to raise a FEARLESS FEMALE, I've told E from early on that thunder is "tigers." Why? Because she likes tigers.
She growls at tigers. Tigers are thunder. Therefore, she growls at thunder.
(yeah, shuttup... you know it's cute, at least a little bit)
So when today's 110 degree Fahrenheit heat index finally dissolved the hot gray sky into the thunderstorms we were all waiting for, Elena was ready at the kitchen sliding door, ready to watch for tigers.
"Rain!" Yes, it was raining.
"Tie-gahs!" Indeed, then came the thunder.
"Head?" [tilt head, wiggle hips, beseeching look]
This "head" thing I didn't know.
"Mama? Head?" [hips wiggle again]
Head? I was flipping through my mental Rolodex...
"Mama? Rain, rain... head?" And then I realized... standing in the apartment window, watching the rain would usually included a few rounds of
Thus... I also have a genius ;-)
Well mine too, mine too!
Back [what feels like 9 million years ago] at the old apartment, whenever it would rain we would pull up the blinds and stand in the window, enjoying the downpour. In my ever-present desire to raise a FEARLESS FEMALE, I've told E from early on that thunder is "tigers." Why? Because she likes tigers.
She growls at tigers. Tigers are thunder. Therefore, she growls at thunder.
(yeah, shuttup... you know it's cute, at least a little bit)
So when today's 110 degree Fahrenheit heat index finally dissolved the hot gray sky into the thunderstorms we were all waiting for, Elena was ready at the kitchen sliding door, ready to watch for tigers.
"Rain!" Yes, it was raining.
"Tie-gahs!" Indeed, then came the thunder.
"Head?" [tilt head, wiggle hips, beseeching look]
This "head" thing I didn't know.
"Mama? Head?" [hips wiggle again]
Head? I was flipping through my mental Rolodex...
"Mama? Rain, rain... head?" And then I realized... standing in the apartment window, watching the rain would usually included a few rounds of
"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. Went to bed and he bumped his head, and he didn't get up in the morning."The kid remembered. We moved the first week of June, so these were May showers we sang for. It's the first week of August. That's a long time.
Thus... I also have a genius ;-)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
FluMist Flu (utterly uninteresting but damnit, I'm pissed)
Declaration: I am not a anti-vaccination mother. I am a fan of the herd immunity. The mob mentality.
So when a never-met-before nurse practitioner suggested that I sign off on my kid taking the new FluMist combo H1N1 and seasonal flu vaccination, simply because it had just come in and my daughter was conveniently both in the office and six days above the minimum age, I rolled the idea around in my head for a bit and gave an unenthusiastic "yes."
(I did also call my husband and ask his opinion... and finally I asked the NP whether there was "any reason I should not do this." Husband answered "I have no opinion either way" and NP said "I think you SHOULD do this.")
Two days before the appointment during which this all transpired, the little girl in question had had a ball playing in her snazzy new wading pool and drank a significant amount of water from the pool's little built-in fountain. The next day, two diapers worth of nasty loose motion led me to imagine that the warning on the hose wasn't kidding about E. coli bacteria. This I mentioned to both the nurse and the NP, but with no other symptoms it didn't go much further.
So child gets FluMist nasally and one shot, a dose of seasonal flu vaccine that she had apparently missed last year.
Fast forward to Friday. Child is a little listless, and hot. Eats next to nothing, but we carry on as usual because sometimes the day after a shot this happens. Cousins arrive, and she's excited to see them. A little off her game though.
Saturday: Child eats some Cheerios for breakfast, as would be expected by a 2-year old who has eaten next to nothing the previous day. Then she comes with us to Air Force Museum and gets carried around, then refuses to eat at lunch and acts like a grade-A nutjob, then goes home and remains feverish, needy, and just bad.
Sunday: On the mend, we think, until cousins leave and she bursts into flame and feels so hot we get a little worried... as usual fever lowers with medicine and we plan to see the doctor Monday. She cries and acts like a different child on and off.
Monday: sleeps in until 11:15am (later than her atypical but regular toddler-wake up hour of 9:30am), lays in bed watching Muppets til 1:30pm, and finally drinks two chocolate milks and eats some cereal before heading off to doctor appointment at 2:45.
When I called our old doctor's office to get the new office's number, I said we needed an appointment because my daughter was having a reaction to the FluMist she was given on Thursday. The receptionist said, "Oh, she must have come in with something before they gave it." The doctor swabbed her for strep throat and said she probably has a viral infection. No one took the Occam's razor approach and just thought, "Wow! She had a flu vaccination with a LIVE virus in it... and a day later she seems to get the flu!" Hey, dickheads... the damn CDC even says:
So, to summarize:
1.) I am disappointed with my pediatric care providers as a whole, for suggesting if not pushing this FluMist to a kid who had diarrhea and was only 6 days above the minimal age limit anyway, and then not even owning up to the possibility of it being a minor adverse reaction
2.) I am tired of having a sick kid, and am positive the kid is tired of being sick
3.) I do not suggest the FluMist vaccine unless your kid is over age 5 and healthy as a horse
I apologize for this post not being terribly interesting or even remotely funny, but I am pissed about this and needed somewhere to complain.
So when a never-met-before nurse practitioner suggested that I sign off on my kid taking the new FluMist combo H1N1 and seasonal flu vaccination, simply because it had just come in and my daughter was conveniently both in the office and six days above the minimum age, I rolled the idea around in my head for a bit and gave an unenthusiastic "yes."
(I did also call my husband and ask his opinion... and finally I asked the NP whether there was "any reason I should not do this." Husband answered "I have no opinion either way" and NP said "I think you SHOULD do this.")
Two days before the appointment during which this all transpired, the little girl in question had had a ball playing in her snazzy new wading pool and drank a significant amount of water from the pool's little built-in fountain. The next day, two diapers worth of nasty loose motion led me to imagine that the warning on the hose wasn't kidding about E. coli bacteria. This I mentioned to both the nurse and the NP, but with no other symptoms it didn't go much further.
So child gets FluMist nasally and one shot, a dose of seasonal flu vaccine that she had apparently missed last year.
Fast forward to Friday. Child is a little listless, and hot. Eats next to nothing, but we carry on as usual because sometimes the day after a shot this happens. Cousins arrive, and she's excited to see them. A little off her game though.
Saturday: Child eats some Cheerios for breakfast, as would be expected by a 2-year old who has eaten next to nothing the previous day. Then she comes with us to Air Force Museum and gets carried around, then refuses to eat at lunch and acts like a grade-A nutjob, then goes home and remains feverish, needy, and just bad.
Sunday: On the mend, we think, until cousins leave and she bursts into flame and feels so hot we get a little worried... as usual fever lowers with medicine and we plan to see the doctor Monday. She cries and acts like a different child on and off.
Monday: sleeps in until 11:15am (later than her atypical but regular toddler-wake up hour of 9:30am), lays in bed watching Muppets til 1:30pm, and finally drinks two chocolate milks and eats some cereal before heading off to doctor appointment at 2:45.
When I called our old doctor's office to get the new office's number, I said we needed an appointment because my daughter was having a reaction to the FluMist she was given on Thursday. The receptionist said, "Oh, she must have come in with something before they gave it." The doctor swabbed her for strep throat and said she probably has a viral infection. No one took the Occam's razor approach and just thought, "Wow! She had a flu vaccination with a LIVE virus in it... and a day later she seems to get the flu!" Hey, dickheads... the damn CDC even says:
Some children and young adults 2-17 years of age have reported experiencing mild reactions after receiving nasal spray flu vaccine, including runny nose, nasal congestion or cough, chills, tiredness/weakness, sore throat and headache.Somewhere I had read appetite loss too. These are exactly E's symptoms. I don't see what the big fucking mystery is.
So, to summarize:
1.) I am disappointed with my pediatric care providers as a whole, for suggesting if not pushing this FluMist to a kid who had diarrhea and was only 6 days above the minimal age limit anyway, and then not even owning up to the possibility of it being a minor adverse reaction
2.) I am tired of having a sick kid, and am positive the kid is tired of being sick
3.) I do not suggest the FluMist vaccine unless your kid is over age 5 and healthy as a horse
I apologize for this post not being terribly interesting or even remotely funny, but I am pissed about this and needed somewhere to complain.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Statistical Goodness 3.0 - The Language Edition
The white board that was once dedicated to me jotting down Elena's achievements needs to be re-purposed, and so rather than find the baby book I will just archive the information here.
Starting at 6 months ("all finished" was recognized by the pediatrician during her 6 month appointment that she wanted "all finished" as soon as possible), she learned the following signs in something close to the order they're listed:
all finished
more
eat
dada
drink
cracker
diaper
bonka (grandma)
banana
water
milk
sleepy
thank you
fish
apple
bird
cat
horse
dog
"big uh-oh" (or "poopy" - a made-up sign taught by Aunt Kathy and Grandma just after her first birthday consisting of holding her nose)
book
airplane
car
soap
"wash hands"
boat
train
cookie
yogurt
hot
blanket
"change diaper"
bath
bike
noodles
hot
Signs we had wanted to learn, but never did: cold, medicine, doctor, cow, sheep, pig, cheese
Words - her first words were "Dada" and "dog" at 10 months, followed by:
"bebe" (baby)
mama
thank you ("taaaankoo")
broccoli (16 months)
ball
"Bye mama" (first 2 word phrase at 17 months, often closely followed by)
"go go" (17 months - would stand in front of gate, armed with some sort of bag, urging me, I suppose, to take her somewhere fun)
down (which also meant up for the longest time)
doctor (at 18 month appointment, which flattered the doctor)
"Bro!" (circa fall 2009, one of the few people who would text message Sebastian was Brian, the singer of their band. He calls everyone "bro" and when the text message tone would sound, Saby would duly check and announce in exaggerated imitation of Brian, that it was "Broooooo-w". Somewhere Elena picked up on this and began yelling "Bro!" anytime Saby's phone would ring, which much delighted us and ESPECIALLY Brian, who is still known as Bro to her to this day.)
On our India trip, she learned "Caca" (Malayalam for crow, and very onomatopoeic, no?) and "palli", Malayalam name for the salamander-sized house lizards that abound everywhere except my mother-in-law's house
First three word phrase: "I do it" (learned from buddy Sophia while on the playground July 3rd)
She then had one that involved "mama. eating. ______." more, perhaps? I need to decrease my appetite, apparently, if it's that obvious to a 22 month old.
Other notable combinations include:
Complimentary mentions of her friends. "Pretty baby Micah" was a shout out to the beautiful baby sister of best friend "Fee-ya" (Sophia) And calling her buddy Andy "Fee-ya" meant she loved him just as much. Her boyfriend Gabriel was known as "Maeee" and then "Maeeeeb," and finally is just regular but much beloved "Gabe" now.
"two, two pacis." at some point in Spring of 2010, her obsession with the number two (and therefore object plurality, I suppose) led her to request two pacis every night. This became a requirement for her to be comfortable enough to go to bed. We indulged it until her 2nd birthday and still do on occasional "tough" nights
Along those same lines, "waaaaaan [one], TWO! waaan two WAAAN [etc.] I told Saby she was counting in binary code and he corrected me... binary is 0 and 1; she was counting in tertiary.
"moush! eating!" her name and description of current favorite movie, Ratatouille, recorded on the DVR. She knows where all the commercials are (asking me, "Mo', moush?" a few seconds before the break comes and then describing what comes after the break - "moush. egg! coo-king." or "dada. ego." [she thinks one of the cooks looks like Dada, and another oft-referenced character is Anton Ego])
"pretty ________" insert any word she knows. Pretty penguins. Pretty Momma. Pretty Dada. Pretty necknace (necklace)
"Yesh, ma'am. Yesh, Way-cha" (Yes ma'am, yes Rachel) After spending two days during our move with our friend (who hails from the Deep South) Rachel May, Elena came back a polite little belle. But any "yes ma'am" was always accompanied by a nod to her etiquette coach, "yes Way-cha".
Perhaps our all time favorite, that we never correct in hopes that she'll go to college mispronouncing it... "O-PONSH" It means "open" and has a very wide variety of uses... opening doors, unbuckling seatbelts, unscrewing lids, turning on the water faucet, taking off a diaper. She will ask you to "oponsh" (take off) your bracelet so that she can wear it... proving all that gypsy training paid off!
Starting at 6 months ("all finished" was recognized by the pediatrician during her 6 month appointment that she wanted "all finished" as soon as possible), she learned the following signs in something close to the order they're listed:
all finished
more
eat
dada
drink
cracker
diaper
bonka (grandma)
banana
water
milk
sleepy
thank you
fish
apple
bird
cat
horse
dog
"big uh-oh" (or "poopy" - a made-up sign taught by Aunt Kathy and Grandma just after her first birthday consisting of holding her nose)
book
airplane
car
soap
"wash hands"
boat
train
cookie
yogurt
hot
blanket
"change diaper"
bath
bike
noodles
hot
Signs we had wanted to learn, but never did: cold, medicine, doctor, cow, sheep, pig, cheese
Words - her first words were "Dada" and "dog" at 10 months, followed by:
"bebe" (baby)
mama
thank you ("taaaankoo")
broccoli (16 months)
ball
"Bye mama" (first 2 word phrase at 17 months, often closely followed by)
"go go" (17 months - would stand in front of gate, armed with some sort of bag, urging me, I suppose, to take her somewhere fun)
down (which also meant up for the longest time)
doctor (at 18 month appointment, which flattered the doctor)
"Bro!" (circa fall 2009, one of the few people who would text message Sebastian was Brian, the singer of their band. He calls everyone "bro" and when the text message tone would sound, Saby would duly check and announce in exaggerated imitation of Brian, that it was "Broooooo-w". Somewhere Elena picked up on this and began yelling "Bro!" anytime Saby's phone would ring, which much delighted us and ESPECIALLY Brian, who is still known as Bro to her to this day.)
On our India trip, she learned "Caca" (Malayalam for crow, and very onomatopoeic, no?) and "palli", Malayalam name for the salamander-sized house lizards that abound everywhere except my mother-in-law's house
First three word phrase: "I do it" (learned from buddy Sophia while on the playground July 3rd)
She then had one that involved "mama. eating. ______." more, perhaps? I need to decrease my appetite, apparently, if it's that obvious to a 22 month old.
Other notable combinations include:
Complimentary mentions of her friends. "Pretty baby Micah" was a shout out to the beautiful baby sister of best friend "Fee-ya" (Sophia) And calling her buddy Andy "Fee-ya" meant she loved him just as much. Her boyfriend Gabriel was known as "Maeee" and then "Maeeeeb," and finally is just regular but much beloved "Gabe" now.
"two, two pacis." at some point in Spring of 2010, her obsession with the number two (and therefore object plurality, I suppose) led her to request two pacis every night. This became a requirement for her to be comfortable enough to go to bed. We indulged it until her 2nd birthday and still do on occasional "tough" nights
Along those same lines, "waaaaaan [one], TWO! waaan two WAAAN [etc.] I told Saby she was counting in binary code and he corrected me... binary is 0 and 1; she was counting in tertiary.
"moush! eating!" her name and description of current favorite movie, Ratatouille, recorded on the DVR. She knows where all the commercials are (asking me, "Mo', moush?" a few seconds before the break comes and then describing what comes after the break - "moush. egg! coo-king." or "dada. ego." [she thinks one of the cooks looks like Dada, and another oft-referenced character is Anton Ego])
"pretty ________" insert any word she knows. Pretty penguins. Pretty Momma. Pretty Dada. Pretty necknace (necklace)
"Yesh, ma'am. Yesh, Way-cha" (Yes ma'am, yes Rachel) After spending two days during our move with our friend (who hails from the Deep South) Rachel May, Elena came back a polite little belle. But any "yes ma'am" was always accompanied by a nod to her etiquette coach, "yes Way-cha".
Perhaps our all time favorite, that we never correct in hopes that she'll go to college mispronouncing it... "O-PONSH" It means "open" and has a very wide variety of uses... opening doors, unbuckling seatbelts, unscrewing lids, turning on the water faucet, taking off a diaper. She will ask you to "oponsh" (take off) your bracelet so that she can wear it... proving all that gypsy training paid off!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I have a two year old
I have a two year old!
Her name is E-Unit. She is the prototype for many more Units who have speculated launch dates of fall 2011, 2013 and perhaps even 2015. So far, and especially for being a first model, I've very pleased with how she's performed.
She sleeps well, sleeps lots, and goes down without drama. Eats decently. Poos and pees consistently with minimal leakage. Our model has a few upgrades, like immodestly good coordination and a penchant for singing. Our favorite upgrade? She has RHYTHM... I swear to God, she can keep a beat after 24 months on this earth. These features and upgrades seem to be just as novel and entertaining for her as they are to us; much like when she was 4 and 5 months old and thrilled with the realization of various structural design aspects like her hands and feet.
We've logged quite a few miles with the E-unit, having been to Michigan at 6 weeks, Chicago at 4 months, Florida at 10 months, and India at 19 months. Each varying terrain and climate has been handled phenomenally by the Unit - although the India trip proved that the E-units ideal operating temperature is probably somewhere below 90 degrees Fahrenheit. With proper upkeep and maintenance, our E-Unit seems ready to tackle any challenge we put before her.
We are not without bugs and flaws in our system, though. As she neared her second year of life, the E-Unit has been plagued with minor problems. Irritations namely, but together they do bring down her (and therefore, our family's) efficiency level. She's been making a strange sound a lot... "No." "No no no no no no." It can be provoked by user error - asking a question, offering something, or even just a statement can result in hearing this annoying sound. Luckily we've realized that sufficient nourishment, lubrication, cleaning and entertainment can lower the frequency of this problem.
I have to say, in all honesty [and no modesty, har har har], that I think many people envy our E-Unit. But that's the thing they don't understand. ANYONE can have an E-Unit. With proper research and a good, thorough instruction manual, any Unit rolling off the assembly line, provided it's a factory utilizing good materials and a quality workforce, can be as good or better than ours.
Happy birthday, E-Unit! Keep on rollin' strong!
Her name is E-Unit. She is the prototype for many more Units who have speculated launch dates of fall 2011, 2013 and perhaps even 2015. So far, and especially for being a first model, I've very pleased with how she's performed.
She sleeps well, sleeps lots, and goes down without drama. Eats decently. Poos and pees consistently with minimal leakage. Our model has a few upgrades, like immodestly good coordination and a penchant for singing. Our favorite upgrade? She has RHYTHM... I swear to God, she can keep a beat after 24 months on this earth. These features and upgrades seem to be just as novel and entertaining for her as they are to us; much like when she was 4 and 5 months old and thrilled with the realization of various structural design aspects like her hands and feet.
We've logged quite a few miles with the E-unit, having been to Michigan at 6 weeks, Chicago at 4 months, Florida at 10 months, and India at 19 months. Each varying terrain and climate has been handled phenomenally by the Unit - although the India trip proved that the E-units ideal operating temperature is probably somewhere below 90 degrees Fahrenheit. With proper upkeep and maintenance, our E-Unit seems ready to tackle any challenge we put before her.
We are not without bugs and flaws in our system, though. As she neared her second year of life, the E-Unit has been plagued with minor problems. Irritations namely, but together they do bring down her (and therefore, our family's) efficiency level. She's been making a strange sound a lot... "No." "No no no no no no." It can be provoked by user error - asking a question, offering something, or even just a statement can result in hearing this annoying sound. Luckily we've realized that sufficient nourishment, lubrication, cleaning and entertainment can lower the frequency of this problem.
I have to say, in all honesty [and no modesty, har har har], that I think many people envy our E-Unit. But that's the thing they don't understand. ANYONE can have an E-Unit. With proper research and a good, thorough instruction manual, any Unit rolling off the assembly line, provided it's a factory utilizing good materials and a quality workforce, can be as good or better than ours.
Happy birthday, E-Unit! Keep on rollin' strong!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Holy crap, people read this?
I'm gonna start chargin' all two or three of you money. You must have some excellent notification set up to let you know when I post, because it's certainly not at any regular interval. Maybe ever few days after NEVAAAAH?
God bless you, Liz and Kim, and perhaps Kristine?
God bless you, Liz and Kim, and perhaps Kristine?
The beginning of a long musical career...
I caught E and Dada playing guitar together. It's especially impressive because of a.) the patience and enthusiasm of both student and teacher, and b.) Daddy's willingness to have his diaper-less daughter sit on his lap so close to a borrowed gee-tar.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Transcript from the monitor
On more neglectful mornings (like today) when I sit in bed, creeping around on Facebook and reading the news, I hear lots of interesting things over Elena's monitor. She certainly knows how to keep me (and herself) entertained.
No No No No
Do-a-doo (do a deer from The Sound of Music)
Bon-kaaaa? (calling for her grandma)
Daaaad... daaad! (daddy in a valley girl accent)
Humming "I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne" (more Sound of Music)
Monkey? Monkey? (which leads me to believe she's about to throw her monkey across the room)
Bebe? Bebebe? Bye-bye... (uh oh)
Yum yum (pretending to eat?)
Hey-yo? Hellooo? Hii, hiiiii...
Daa-daaaaa! Dada? Dadadadadada?
all manners of fake coughing and sneezing (attempts to get me to show up?)
On previous occasions, we've heard:
Baby DOWWWWN!
Cat, dog and cow noises
Pullli! (calling for her lizard)
Up, up up... (and then) Dowwwwn! Doooowwwwwn!
No No No No
Do-a-doo (do a deer from The Sound of Music)
Bon-kaaaa? (calling for her grandma)
Daaaad... daaad! (daddy in a valley girl accent)
Humming "I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne" (more Sound of Music)
Monkey? Monkey? (which leads me to believe she's about to throw her monkey across the room)
Bebe? Bebebe? Bye-bye... (uh oh)
Yum yum (pretending to eat?)
Hey-yo? Hellooo? Hii, hiiiii...
Daa-daaaaa! Dada? Dadadadadada?
all manners of fake coughing and sneezing (attempts to get me to show up?)
On previous occasions, we've heard:
Baby DOWWWWN!
Cat, dog and cow noises
Pullli! (calling for her lizard)
Up, up up... (and then) Dowwwwn! Doooowwwwwn!
Open Letter to My Friend, Fellow Bloggerette, and Fellow Mother-o'-Toddler Kim
I suck as a conspiracy partner.
Mainly because I can't even remember the proper terminology. A... responsibility partner? Reinforcement partner? Reliability? What is it I'm supposed to be, yet have neither fully understood nor taken any initiative to actually participate? But perhaps I can blame that on you, since you're the ying to my yang that's supposed to be either prodding me with a stick, or dangling that yummy carrot out in front :-)
Well, all that aside, here's what I've been thinking about lately.
A.) Your photos rock, and you and the fam are looking great. Between the cool photographer shots and the simple "who wears it better," I must say that we Georges really enjoy a chance to look at you guys from afar and see how you all are flourishing among the bluebelles of Texas.
B.) I want to be cool and join in on Twitter parties for book reading and all, but I lack a mobile device that's Twitter-capable and hate sitting in front of the laptop (or worse, sitting the laptop on my lady parts with just a pillow to disperse the radiation). Someday I will catch up with 2008 technology, I swear. C.) Gotta get Skype. That's just silly on my part to not have it yet. Maybe my parents actually taking an interest in Elena will help me keep motivated on that one. (Motivation partner?!? Is that it?)
D.) The DCI Championships are coming up soon here, and I will miss you. I told Saby that he has to come for at least one night's worth (I know he'll love it!). I'm not sure what I am going to do with Miss Elena without a stroller, but I suppose we can keep her from running onto the performance area somehow. (after a recent collision with the tv stand during Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music, I don't know what all this kid will do to get herself involved in interesting musical situations!) Perhaps if Miss Juniper were there to clap and hoot along with her, she'd behave better?
E.) I still have a present for you from India, and the only thing keeping me from getting it to you is my huge dislike of the post office. I apologize. Soon... perhaps today! (Motivation partner? IS THAT IT?!?)
F.) What does Juniper say? Does she use words? Does she mimic you? What are her tricks? Elena is very good with her P's and Q's, but takes the "please" to the extreme. God forbid she offers another child something and they don't take it... you look away for a minute and suddenly she's beating them over the head, yelling "bleese? BLEESE?" Not that I want her to beat Juniper over the head (although I have a feeling J'pop can fight back with the best of 'em) but I do want to hear what endearing-yet-horrifying sort of stories you might have, so that I don't feel alone in the mildly entertained/embarassed motherhood world.
G.) Would LOVE LOVE LUUUUUV to read this with you: http://hotair.com/archives/2010/04/13/book-review-a-time-to-betray/
H.) You're very cool, Kim. Very much a kindred spirit, and I don't want to lose touch with you because it seems so much potential for awesome friendship is there. While we only knew each other in person for like 5 months or something, just knowing you're out there in the world does provide motivation of some sort to write, to communicate, to hopefully visit someday, etc. I dropped the ball on BlogHer but maybe I can catch the ball on the rebound for next year... you'll have to tell me how it goes. I'll live vicariously through you until I get the enthu to get off my can :-)
Which leads me to say I must go and get outta bed and into the shower. Not sure if Elena went back to sleep, or if she's just playing in her crib, silently lighting matches and eating sharp rusty metal. But better make hay while the child sleeps or however that saying goes.
God speed and God bless you, my partner-in-crime!
Lina
Mainly because I can't even remember the proper terminology. A... responsibility partner? Reinforcement partner? Reliability? What is it I'm supposed to be, yet have neither fully understood nor taken any initiative to actually participate? But perhaps I can blame that on you, since you're the ying to my yang that's supposed to be either prodding me with a stick, or dangling that yummy carrot out in front :-)
Well, all that aside, here's what I've been thinking about lately.
A.) Your photos rock, and you and the fam are looking great. Between the cool photographer shots and the simple "who wears it better," I must say that we Georges really enjoy a chance to look at you guys from afar and see how you all are flourishing among the bluebelles of Texas.
B.) I want to be cool and join in on Twitter parties for book reading and all, but I lack a mobile device that's Twitter-capable and hate sitting in front of the laptop (or worse, sitting the laptop on my lady parts with just a pillow to disperse the radiation). Someday I will catch up with 2008 technology, I swear. C.) Gotta get Skype. That's just silly on my part to not have it yet. Maybe my parents actually taking an interest in Elena will help me keep motivated on that one. (Motivation partner?!? Is that it?)
D.) The DCI Championships are coming up soon here, and I will miss you. I told Saby that he has to come for at least one night's worth (I know he'll love it!). I'm not sure what I am going to do with Miss Elena without a stroller, but I suppose we can keep her from running onto the performance area somehow. (after a recent collision with the tv stand during Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music, I don't know what all this kid will do to get herself involved in interesting musical situations!) Perhaps if Miss Juniper were there to clap and hoot along with her, she'd behave better?
E.) I still have a present for you from India, and the only thing keeping me from getting it to you is my huge dislike of the post office. I apologize. Soon... perhaps today! (Motivation partner? IS THAT IT?!?)
F.) What does Juniper say? Does she use words? Does she mimic you? What are her tricks? Elena is very good with her P's and Q's, but takes the "please" to the extreme. God forbid she offers another child something and they don't take it... you look away for a minute and suddenly she's beating them over the head, yelling "bleese? BLEESE?" Not that I want her to beat Juniper over the head (although I have a feeling J'pop can fight back with the best of 'em) but I do want to hear what endearing-yet-horrifying sort of stories you might have, so that I don't feel alone in the mildly entertained/embarassed motherhood world.
G.) Would LOVE LOVE LUUUUUV to read this with you: http://hotair.com/archives/2010/04/13/book-review-a-time-to-betray/
H.) You're very cool, Kim. Very much a kindred spirit, and I don't want to lose touch with you because it seems so much potential for awesome friendship is there. While we only knew each other in person for like 5 months or something, just knowing you're out there in the world does provide motivation of some sort to write, to communicate, to hopefully visit someday, etc. I dropped the ball on BlogHer but maybe I can catch the ball on the rebound for next year... you'll have to tell me how it goes. I'll live vicariously through you until I get the enthu to get off my can :-)
Which leads me to say I must go and get outta bed and into the shower. Not sure if Elena went back to sleep, or if she's just playing in her crib, silently lighting matches and eating sharp rusty metal. But better make hay while the child sleeps or however that saying goes.
God speed and God bless you, my partner-in-crime!
Lina
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